Sunday, December 12, 2010

Sunday Again

Ok, Y'all. This picture describes our family right now. Stuck in a chair trying to get up! Disability denied my claim. I am not getting paid right now at all. And Sean brought home a whopping 350 this month. And I am not the least bit frightened, or worried, or anxious. What a wonderful work the Lord is doing in me!

So a few weeks ago, right after I applied for disability, I was spending some serious time in prayer (arguing with God about the helpless situation He allowed me to fall into, where I literally have no control). As I prayed about our situation, me not being able to work, I felt like the Lord was urging me to ask Him for disability to deny us. I fought that urge. That is NOT what I wanted, and essentially I was saying "Not Your will, Lord, but mine be done." My pride, my fear, my anxiety would not let me humble myself to pray that prayer. Deep down, I didn't trust Him.

Then I felt the urge again, and it seemed like He was telling me "Trust me. Let this go, be destitute and needy and see how I will bless you, take care of you. It will be beyond what you could imagine."

As I wrapped that time with Him up, I was still holding tight to what I knew was "safe" and that was getting some money coming in. I wanted to pray that prayer, but I just couldn't.

But where I fall short, and can't pray what I need to pray, Jesus, my advocate, my mediator steps in. And He asked God for what was best for me and for my family.

So, as you can probably imagine, they did in fact deny my claim. There is absolutely nothing we can do. It's private disability insurance because teachers don't pay into Social Security. We are walled in. But my God is Jehovah Jireh. And He was waiting for me to surrender so that He could show me how He will provide for us. There is absolutely no way that He will let us down.

As crazy as my life feels right now, the Father has walked this road before me. He has prepared provision for us, and He is faithful to His promise that He will provide. I can't wait to see what he has in store for us! I am amazingly peaceful. I trust Him! He has spoken peace over me this week, and assured me that He is on His throne today just as he was with the Israelites as they crossed the Red Sea. He is the God who provides.

Praise Him that He sees us, and that He loves us! Praise Him that His plans are purposeful and intentional! Praise Him that He is Jehovah Jireh, the God who provides! Though I may not sit at the table of kings, God is my portion! He feeds me from the abundance of His hands! Whether He provides by financially blessing us to be able to continue our lifestyle as it is, or we end up under the bridge, I will praise Him for His everlasting faithfulness!

And here is what the Lord has called me to in this season: Stillness.

"Now then, stand still and see this great thing that the Lord is about to do before your eyes!" 1 Samuel 12:16

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" Exodus 14:14

Monday, December 6, 2010

Levi: Thanks for sharing.

So I got it too. Yes, I am talking about the infamous "tummy bug." But don't worry, I was sure to make a dramatic presentation of it. You know me. So here's how it went down:

I woke up Sunday morning feeling a little, well, uneasy. You know how it is. Not hungry, not full, not...good. Since my recent bout with doctor visits, I am currently taking 1298349872348971298375 different medicines, so whether I am hungry or not, I have to eat. That many meds will wreck an empty stomach. But I was also very thirsty. I asked my husband to drive through Micky D's for a......large water.


And no, I am not talking about the fact that they actually charged us 11 cents for water. I am talking about how crazy it is for me to ask for water. I will drink off-brand lemon/lime before I will drink water. But alas, my husband wasn't alerted to the fact that this was a dire situation, so he sat by after worship practice as I ate both halves of a giant cinnamon bagel. Ohhhh. Yes.

Needless to say, I felt worse. I laid down as we waited for Band Bible Fellowship to start, and incidentally slept through the entire thing. At the time I was okay with that, but looking back my cheeks are definitely red. But not as red as they were about to be as this story unfolds.

I woke up just in time for us to join hands and begin praying. At the end of said prayer, we were to start the 10:00 service with joyful Christmas caroling. Just as the prayer started, however, my mouth got cold and began to water...the dreaded sign that you are about to release whatever it is you intended to stay inside you.

I let go from the joining of hands. I rushed through the door of Pastor James' office. I raced past the older gentlemen copying the sermon onto dvds. I had almost made it. Into the Worship Office....and...the first surge came up. But I was hopeful! I covered my mouth with my hand and kept running. I rounded the corner and was about to open the bathroom door.....when....two more surges gripped me and I projectile vomited all over the door and the floor in front of the door. Ohhhhh.

I immediately began apologizing, assuming that seeing as how it was less that 10 minutes before the service started, that SOMEONE had witnessed this catastrophic accident. I ran into the bathroom and finished my episode in the first available toilet. From behind me an unknown kind stranger handed me wet paper towels to wipe away the left over....particles. (I also used them to blow out the chunks still lingering in my nasal cavity.) Come to find out, the unknown stranger was actually Mrs. Watkins. Bless her. She also covered the atrocity in front of the door and ushered all needy patrons to another restroom. She's an angel.

Then came the horrible moment in which I had to show my face to the curious crowd outside the bathroom. Oh the shame! (There wasn't anyone out there. But I imagined there were hundreds.)

Needless to say, I did not appear on stage ready to usher the churchgoers into worship. I called my Daddy. He came to get me. Puke covered scarf and all. As we were leaving, I saw the janitor cleaning MY vomit off of the Men's room door. At least I was thorough.

I want to issue a formal apology to all those patient women who were unable to ease their urgency, or touch up their makeup that fateful morning. I accept full responsibility for the..uhem, mess. And I would like to issue a formal "thank you" to Mrs. Watkins. That was not what you thought you'd be doing when you dressed for church that morning, was it? Bless your precious heart!

Seriously though, I was assured many times that we all go through this. Fortunately for most, though, they are 7 years old when it happens.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010