Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Wow, I didn't even know you ate that!

Levi is sick. Not like "Oh no, my baby has a fever of 99.9" sick. Really sick. Last night, I heard him wake up (We are staying at my parents and I was on the computer in the next room) and start crying. This happens some times because he gets all confused about where he is sleeping since we go from Mom's house to home and back. Normally, I just let him cry a little and he soothes himself and goes back to sleep. On this fateful night, however, he did not go back to sleep. He was coughing a lot, like a gagging sound, so I stuck my head in, and he was sitting up, but he was breathing so I left him in there. After about 10 minutes, I decided just to go to bed and put him in bed with me. When I entered the room, I was accosted by a smell I have not smelled before. Ever. I thought to myself "Self, he must have poo pooed a LOT and it leaked everywhere. Don't panic, we have walked this road before."

But we had NOT walked this road before, y'all.

As I approached the pack 'n play, I saw it. Chunky. Multi-colored. Sticky. EVERYWHERE. Yes, friends. It was puke. PUKE! And we are not talking baby spit up "Ew it's yucky!" My child had blown serious, real, grown up cookies. And to make matters worse, he had laid down in it and coated his right side thoroughly. Puke in his hair, puke on his jammies, puke in his ears, puke on Stinky Bear, puke on the blankets. Not a single element of L's sleeping space was untouched by the sheer volume of vomit he had up-chucked.

I hate to admit what went through my head at that moment. For a split second, I debated whether or not to pick him up. Mercy, Lord! Oh how children challenge your selfishness!

Well, I did pick him up. Right now I have a hard time walking when I am just carrying my own weight, so I had to hold him closely in order to keep from dropping him. And bless his heart, he laid his vomit-coated head right on my shoulder and nuzzled into my hair. And you know what? The grace of the Lord covered me and I did not throw him down!

I did, however, call out for my parents. This was around 10:00, and they were already in bed, but they were awake, watching TV. They both came running, and whisked L away to a warm bath. Mom scrubbed him raw as Dad played with him to distract him. I stripped down and borrowed another T-shirt from my mom's closet. The truth is, after all the scrubbing, he still STANK, people. That stuff wasn't going down without a fight! But we were victorious. Praise Him.

Dad ended up sleeping on the couch while Levi and I took his side of their bed. Mom and I did not sleep. We tried giving him some water/juice, and he threw that up, with one tiny chunk of the hamburger he ate yesterday. Then he threw up another strange liquid. Then he dry heaved. I was bawling. It is HORRIBLE seeing your child so sick. And every time he threw up, he cried and reached out for me. Ohhhhhh, it is so painful! You just want to make it better and you can't.

Well, he hasn't thrown up since 2 am or so, and that's good, but he also has only had 1 wet diaper. We finally got him to take 1 1/2 bottles of pedialyte and a few bites of a saltine cracker. He won't take a popsicle, or jello, and I won't give him anything else yet.

Well, I'm sure you are so pleased about reading every little detail of Levi's first vomit experience, right? I may write a book. This material is good.

"Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him." Psalm 127:3

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Conviction

Sisters, (and/or brothers, if that be the case) I am convicted. In fact, the Lord has held me in a state of contrition for at least a week now, with the enemy fighting to turn the humility the Lord desires of me into vanity, self-deprecating thoughts and verbiage, insecurity, doubt, anxiety, and any other perversion of humility he can contrive. For weeks now, the Father has been calling me to Himself, whispering for me to look outside my tiny inch of eternity and be captured by His holiness and glory, and instead I have allowed the enemy to focus my heart on my weaknesses, my fears, and my insecurities. I have felt this gnawing feeling that everyone knows something that I don't know about life, and they are wondering when I will get it. That people are talking about me, about how I fall short of expectations and standards. Honestly, I have heard the enemy whisper that I am a burden, that I am not liked, that I don't belong. And with those lies comes fear that I will be found out. When will everyone see that I am such a fraud?! But this weekend, I went to the Women's Conference at First Baptist Irving, and there my conviction was confirmed, as well as the faithfulness of God to walk me through. (And PS, I can defeat those particular lies with Scripture: "His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness." 2 Peter 1:3)

Have you felt before the difference between the feeling of conviction, and the feeling of guilt? Conviction, to me, feels more like a twinge, or sometimes a burn. Guilt feels like an empty pit. Or sour stomach. And Satan has tried savagely to convince me in the past weeks that that my twingy burn is an empty pit. But it isn't friends, and God was indeed satisfied to look on Christ crucified and pardon me instead and because of that, the empty pit of guilt and shame has no place in me. But the twinge of conviction brings me closer to Christ, and conforms me more closely into His image. It is a gift from God, not a punishment or condemnation.

So back to my conviction. But before that, let me lay before you a confession: through all of the fear and uncertainty of the past month, before Friday, I had not come before the Lord in humility and told Him that I trusted Him. I hadn't even told him that I DIDN"T trust Him, I hadn't told Him anything. I hadn't petitioned Him for anything. I hadn't used His Word as a light unto my path in this dark time for my family. I let my sadness, my worry, my anxiety, and honestly my own self-pity block Him out.

But "He knows how we are formed. He remembers that we are dust." Ps 103:14

Glory to the Father! Even in His holiness he remembers that I am dust. His patience with me is unfathomable. Even at this stage in my spiritual walk with Jesus, I found myself in this place of complacency and spiritual lethargy. But this is what my precious Heavenly Father brought to mind:


Hmmm, it is beautiful isn't it? That even though He knows how I was formed, He remembers that I am dust, and He is "familiar with ALL my ways," he counted me worthy of this precious gift. What kind of legacy am I leaving for this baby boy, who is the absolute joy of my heart? Is it a legacy of faith and perseverance? Am I a good steward of this treasure, destined to be admonished with "Well done good and faithful servant?"

Well there is good news and bad news about that. The bad news is no, I am not. Right now, as I sit typing this, I am not. All of my good intentions of leaving deep footprints of faithfulness for my son to follow have fallen away as life has spun around like a revolving door. I have believed absolute lies, and counted the blessings of God as burdens. But here is the good news: "he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil. 1:6 And as the generations of women repeatedly encouraged us at the conference this weekend, God's faithfulness to His promises and to His Word NEVER FAIL. I am not the godly woman, wife, and mother that God has called me to be. Are you? But He isn't finished with us yet. So I am going to make some commitments to Him, to myself, to my family, to you, dear friends. Here they are:

1. I am going to commit to FIGHTING for time with the Father every day, as my sweet friend Lauren encouraged this weekend. He is the lifeblood of who I am, without Him I am nothing. That's reason enough to get up before the baby does!
2. I am going to commit to praying for and speaking Scripture over and to my son daily. He is my responsibility, and my purpose in raising him is single: That he may know Christ and Him crucified. Scripture, prayer, and the power of the Holy Spirit are my only hope.
3. I am going to commit to memorizing the Word. I started this in college, and did well, but it hasn't been a priority since then. And I can't very well speak it over and to my children if I don't know it, so there you go.
4. I am going to commit to prayer. Not just in a specified time of the day that I have set aside for the Lord. But constantly, consistently, desperately. I want to be a prayer warrior for my family, my friends, my church, the lost, my country, my leaders, broken for what breaks the Father.

Ask me about it. Tell me if this touches your heart or if the Lord convicts you like He convicts me. Share your thoughts. I hear whispers of those of you who read my blog and tell my MOM about it, leave your thoughts and comments or I won't believe her when she tells me you read it :)

"We will not hide them from their descendants; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power, and the wonders he has done. He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our ancestors to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands." Ps 78:4-7

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Baby Judah and Trick or Treat Make-up

Well, Baby Judah is finally here! I know my sister is so glad, he was crowding her! He arrived on Halloween, 10/31/10 at 10:49 in the morning. He is 7 lbs 3 oz, and 19 inches long! Almost exactly the same size as his cousin. Whitney always did try to copy me :)

Mommy and baby are doing wonderfully! I am so proud of my little sis. She went into labor on Saturday night, but didn't go into the hospital until around 3:30 am. She had her epidural after about 2 hours, and then she progressed really quickly. Sean, Levi, and I were there all day, and literally, people we didn't even know commented on how well my son behaved. I was so proud :)


Today, we went trick or treating (more on that later) and this is Sean holding sweet Judah.

Papa, Levi, and Judah snuggling on the couch. Levi is going to struggle with sharing Papa with another little person. Side story: When we took Levi to look at puppies, he stomped one of them. True story. Stomped it's little 1/2 pound head. Be afraid, Judah. Be very afraid.

Mommy, Judah, and Gigi snuggling after Mommy fed Judah. Another side story: Judah looks just like Whitney did when she was a newborn. My mom must feel like she is in the twilight zone!

Okay, so before you view the next set of pictures, let me explain why we are Trick-or-Treating two days after Halloween. As aforementioned, Whitney had her baby on Halloween. Sean and Levi and I were up at the hospital all day long, and we got there at 4am. Needless to say, none of us were physically or mentally able to last long enough to go Trick-or-Treating, or make it to Fall-a-palooza at church :( I was very disappointed because I worked very hard on our costumes! (Except Levi's which I purchased.) So we talked to my mom's neighbors and convinced them to do a little Trick-or-Treat Makeup session. It was fabulous. Here are the pictures:

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee're off to see the Wizard!

If I only had a heart!

Neither one of them were fond of the hats I made them wear. But it worked out great for a picture!

TRICK OR TREAT!!!!! He was such a good little Trick or Treater!

Candy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


He loved it! Or rather, WE loved it. It was so much fun. After we hit up the neighbors, we hit up Ya-Ya and Uncle Scott. Levi got to hold "Ball" (which is what he calls Judah) and eat fruit snacks and pretzels. All in all, I would say it was a great Fake Halloween!