Sunday, December 12, 2010

Sunday Again


Ok, Y'all. This picture describes our family right now. Stuck in a chair trying to get up! Disability denied my claim. I am not getting paid right now at all. And Sean brought home a whopping 350 this month. And I am not the least bit frightened, or worried, or anxious. What a wonderful work the Lord is doing in me!

So a few weeks ago, right after I applied for disability, I was spending some serious time in prayer (arguing with God about the helpless situation He allowed me to fall into, where I literally have no control). As I prayed about our situation, me not being able to work, I felt like the Lord was urging me to ask Him for disability to deny us. I fought that urge. That is NOT what I wanted, and essentially I was saying "Not Your will, Lord, but mine be done." My pride, my fear, my anxiety would not let me humble myself to pray that prayer. Deep down, I didn't trust Him.

Then I felt the urge again, and it seemed like He was telling me "Trust me. Let this go, be destitute and needy and see how I will bless you, take care of you. It will be beyond what you could imagine."

As I wrapped that time with Him up, I was still holding tight to what I knew was "safe" and that was getting some money coming in. I wanted to pray that prayer, but I just couldn't.

But where I fall short, and can't pray what I need to pray, Jesus, my advocate, my mediator steps in. And He asked God for what was best for me and for my family.

So, as you can probably imagine, they did in fact deny my claim. There is absolutely nothing we can do. It's private disability insurance because teachers don't pay into Social Security. We are walled in. But my God is Jehovah Jireh. And He was waiting for me to surrender so that He could show me how He will provide for us. There is absolutely no way that He will let us down.

As crazy as my life feels right now, the Father has walked this road before me. He has prepared provision for us, and He is faithful to His promise that He will provide. I can't wait to see what he has in store for us! I am amazingly peaceful. I trust Him! He has spoken peace over me this week, and assured me that He is on His throne today just as he was with the Israelites as they crossed the Red Sea. He is the God who provides.

Praise Him that He sees us, and that He loves us! Praise Him that His plans are purposeful and intentional! Praise Him that He is Jehovah Jireh, the God who provides! Though I may not sit at the table of kings, God is my portion! He feeds me from the abundance of His hands! Whether He provides by financially blessing us to be able to continue our lifestyle as it is, or we end up under the bridge, I will praise Him for His everlasting faithfulness!

And here is what the Lord has called me to in this season: Stillness.

"Now then, stand still and see this great thing that the Lord is about to do before your eyes!" 1 Samuel 12:16

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" Exodus 14:14

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